Therapy Needed
by ontuva
Summary: There were two assassin's in my friend's backyard. Seriously, this had to be a bad dream. Things like this don't really happen in real life. This was just absurd. Rated for language.
1. Prologue

**A/N: **Hello everyone! This is my first Assassin's Creed fanfic (I just started playing them both and I'm totally hooked ^^'' And now I'm hooked to the fanfiction also). I decided to do my share and started writing this. I know this idea is probably old and worn out, but I'll try and bring something new to it. Hopefully I'll succeed. But if you're reading, let me know what you think. This is just the prologue and I'll write the next chapter as soon as I find time. And those who read my other fics – don't worry, I'm definitely not abandoning them, but I just got this huge inspiration and I just felt I needed to get it out of my system. ^^'' And if anyone is interested in betareading, I'd gladly accept your help. So contact me if you are interested. ^^

**Disclaimer:** No, I do not own any character in Assassin's Creed or Assassin's Creed II. They belong to Ubisoft.

**Word count: **1,528

**Warnings: **Cursing in this one.

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**Prologue**

I never would've thought that picking up the weeds from my friend's backyard would prove to be so troublesome. I mean – they are weeds. They don't fight back. You just pick them up and throw them where nobody can see them. And that's it. And it would've been it except for the little fact that I found something that definitely wasn't a weed.

At first I didn't realise it at all. Then I thought it was an optical illusion. I mean, how can ground glimmer? I laughed at myself and continued my plant-killing process. But the glimmering didn't stop. No matter where I looked at, the ground glimmered. Then the greedy-side of me woke up and thought there might me gold in there.

Yeah, sometimes I can be stupid but can you blame a poor girl? Money is a thing you can never have too much. Or at least that's my way of thinking. Probably because the money seems to avoid me. Seriously, everytime I get my pay check the money seems to disappear. Rent, food, clothes... And it's all gone. Pft, stupid money.

But the glimmering thingie really bothered me, so I started to dig. With my hands. Another stupid idea, but I was afraid that the shovel might be too big for my gold-digging operation. Of course, if I had really found gold, I'd have to give them to my friend, since it was on her property but at that moment, I didn't think about it. I was too busy thinking "shiny, shiny, gold, here I come".

Imagine how disappointed I was when I didn't find gold and didn't start a new gold rush? Yep, I was torn.

And when I took – well, whatever it was – out from the ground, I was disappointed. I had found I children's robot toy. Because that's what it looked like. It was round object, with blinking lights all over it.

"Oh crap", I muttered. I had spent the last hour digging out a toy. I was going to kill the neighbourhoodkids the next time I saw them. I almost threw the thing over my shoulder, but somehow it had hooked my attention. When I looked at it carefully, it certainly didn't look like a children's toy. What on Earth had I found? I turned it around in my hands. It was shaped like a ball, but built from some kind of metal. And it glittered. Was it a fallen satellite?

Yep, I seriously thought about that for a while, until I realised it would burn in the atmosphere.

I sighed and returned back to my toy-theory. And how long had it been in the ground? My friend had told me this place had been uninhabitet for years. So maybe the old residents had left it? But it if had batteries, as I suspected, would they last for so long? I shook my head. I would have time to inspect it later, now I had weeds to take care of!

But before I let it out of my hands, I pressed something in it. At least I suspected so, because it started humming. I felt like holding a beating heart in my hands. I didn't have time to panic, I didn't have time to do anything. I just noticed it was humming, vibrating and shining a golden light appeared.

And then I was sucked in it. At that point I started panicking. Although, I didn't have much time to panic, because next thing I knew – I was eating dust and air had escaped my lungs. The _thing _was still in my hands, but now I was glaring at it. What had it done to me? What was it? Had it given me an electric shock?

I realised something was wrong with my surroundings, when I heard the yell:

"Assassin!" My head popped up like I had heard my own name and I started to pay attention. Remember, I was eating dust. There wasn't any dust where I was a few seconds ago. And there were buildings. Tall, white, stone building. Like the ones you'd expect to see in Middle East. And apparently there was a man in white robes running right towards me, with a fucking sword in his hand, followed by a group of other men with pointy weapons. I stared at them with my mouth open. This was the weirdest hallucination I had ever seen. And believe me, I've seen a lot of them.

I was going to close my eyes and count to ten, expecting everything to disappear and I'd find myself back in my friend's backyard, but before I managed to do that, the man in white robes was right next to me and my little shiny orb decided it was time to rise and shine again.

At that point I decided to hate the fucking thing with all my heart.

This time my landing was even worse. I landed on something hard and I was quite sure it was a human being. And then, on top of me, landed the white robed man.

"_Oh, merda..." _I heard beneath me. I didn't answer because I was quite busy thinking of what the fuck was going on. And why there was someone swearing in Italian beneath me. And why I had a white-robed man on top of me. I felt like a sandwich.

"Assassin! Get him!" This time all three of us turned their heads towards the yells. And yet again my favourite-weird-and-bizarre-object decided it was time to act. I was getting used to the golden light already. What I wasn't used to was the rough landings.

Again the white-robed guy decided to land right on top of me. Seriously, if he was going to make that a habit, he'd need to lose some weight. I wasn't used to this kind of treatment. And I actually felt a bit sorry for the guy beneath me.

But this time I was back in the backyard. And this time I decided to throw the goddamn-orb away from my hands. As soon as my hands dislocated themselves from it, the golden light reappeared and this time the orb vanished by itself.

My relief disappeared when the two men started to move and next thing I knew – I was standing up and facing two swords and the guys were pointing daggers at each other. And let me say this – these two were dressed up strangely. And I mean it. Hello, we lived in 21st century, nobody wore robes or fancy renaissance-looking jackets anymore. I was going to point that out but then I started to think and decided I was hallucinating again.

"Who are you?" they both asked simultaneously. I blinked. And then I couldn't control myself anymore. A hysterical laugh escaped my lips. I refused to believe this was real. This just couldn't be real. The old middle-eastern-architecture, the old Italian buildings, they couldn't possibly have been true.

"This is the most real hallucination I've ever had", I whispered and hoped it would end it soon. What had the ball done to me?

"Where am I?" the other one asked and brought the dagger a bit closer to my neck while staring at the other man. I noticed their clothes somehow resembled each other and yet they were so different. Should I answer a hallucination? I had never discussed about this with my psychotherapist. He just gave me medicines and I ate them. And I was happy with that solution.

"Uhm. You are in USA and it's 2011 and currently you are pointing a sharp dagger towards my neck and I don't like it at all, since it makes me feel a bit threatened", I answered while eyeing the dagger. Hallucinations can't hurt you, can they?

"And why should we believe you?" the other one said with a clear Italian accent. I noticed he used the pronoun 'we' whilst the other just 'I'.

"Don't use 'we'", the fist one hissed. I sensed tension. I lifted my arms carefully and tried to shoo the daggers away from my neck. Instead I found my finger started bleeding. And that my friends meant that this was real. This was really happening.

"Oh, shitprickles", I whispered. The one with the Italian accent rolled his dark brown eyes.

"Now lady, would you please explain to _me_", he eyed the robed one, "why you had a piece of Eden and where is it now?"

"How do you know about pieces of Eden?" the robed one asked and moved his dagger a bit away from my neck. I was in a shock. I mean, there was two men arguing about something, I didn't even know what, in my friend's backyard, and I had found a gloving orb which had done all this. I was going crazy, there was no other option.

"Where did the piece of Eden go?" I was asked again and I just didn't know how to answer. Luckily my brain decided it was time for me to take a break. I lost conciousness.


	2. Bunnykillers

**A/N: **Reviewers and readers = Awesome, love you. My update rate = Horrible. Beta reader = Need one. (So if you can recommend someone for me, please do so. ^^)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ezio or Altaïr. They belong to Ubisoft. As does everything else related to Assassin's Creed I or II.

**Warnings: **Some cursing.

**Word count: **2,268

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Chapter 1: Bunnykillers

My head was stuffed with cotton wool. I was sure about that. Waking up felt like the worst idea ever and for a while I had to wonder if I had been drinking last night. I didn't recall such an event. I remembered I had been pulling out the weeds, when... Oh my dear God. I opened my left eye carefully. I had to see if it all had been true.

At first I noticed that the men had apparently made peace with each other and had decided to celebrate it with building a campfire. A campfire on my friend's backyard when there is a perfectly good house with electricity nearby. I tried to sigh, but noticed there was a rag in my mouth. And when I tried to take it off I realised my hands were bound. I let out an irritated groan. What had I done to deserve this?

Then I decided to pay closer attention to the campfire. There was this smell in the air that made my stomach growl. Food! That reminded me that I had no idea when was the last time I had eaten. I tried to see what it was that these two were cooking.

"Altaïr, you have to admit, I am a good cook", the Italian version commented his own work. Which apparently was the small chunk of meat roasting in a stick. I made a mental note to myself. These two definitely weren't from around here. I tried to shoo away the thought of time travel. That was just... Absurd. The other – Altaïr? - snorted.

"It's burnt", he stated. "You said you knew how to roast a rabbit."

"I do, _idiota! _It's just well cooked, not burnt. And at least I know how prepare one..." he muttered.

"I can perfectly well roast one myself."

"And you decide to share this information with me now? When I already have made all the preparations? Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

"Someone needs to do the thinking. And it made you shut up for a while."

"_Bastardo."_

I blinked. They were arguing over rabbits? Actually, where had they gotten the rabbits in the first place. A terrible thought crept in to my thoughts. They couldn't have...

I moved my head so I could see to the house. There was a small corral right next to the back door and there should've been two Belgian hares living in there. I saw none. There was no trace of those sweet bunnies I had looked at earlier. They were gone.

I tried to sway my head to get the rug out of my mouth. How dare they eat my friend's pets? Those...those... ignorant bastards!

"Hmmhhhmmmh!" I yelled at them and got their attention.

"_Buono, _she's awake. Shall we begin the interrogation then?"

"Hmmmmmh!" I continued angrily. I knew perfectly well they had no idea what I was trying to say, but quite frankly I didn't care. My friend was going to kill me for this! And how would I actually explain this to her? "I'm sorry, but two strange men ate your bunnies." I don't think she'd believe me. Even I didn't believe myself.

"In my opinion taking the rug out of her mouth would improve her communication skills", Altaïr commented dryly and received a glare from the Italian. Then he rolled his eyes, cut the rag and my mouth was free. I almost bite his hand.

"You killed Cloud and Sephiroth!" I screamed. "You murderers!" If looks could kill they both would've been dead by now. Those sweet little bunnies had never hurt anyone. Well, maybe a bunny weighing fifteen pounds wasn't that little, but who cared. They were cute and fuzzy!

"_Scusami?_" was the puzzled answer I got.

"Speak English!" I countered. Apparently he decided not to ask about the bunnies' names.

"Alright, who are you?" he started.

"You tell me first", I said defiantly. I didn't actually believe he would answer me, but at least I could try.

"Ezio Auditore da Firenze", he answered proudly. I could hear Altaïr sighing nearby. Another mental note: this man sucked in interrogation. You don't tell your name to a person you are trying to interrogate! Oh, wait a second. Was this a good cop and a bad cop -game? I sighed mentally and decided to answer. Maybe they would let be leave afterwards?

"Fair enough. I am Christina Holmes." I usually added a witty joke about Sherlock Holmes after I told people my name, but right now it didn't seem like a right thing to do.

"Now Christina, tell us where we are and how did we end up in here." I frowned.

"I already told you. You are in the United States of America. And I guess the gloving orb had something to do with the fact that you are here?" Actually I still had do idea who these guys were, where were they from and which time. Those buildings I had seen and their clothing suggested time traveling. My sanity was about to leave me.

"Yes, the gloving orb... It's a Piece of Eden. Now how did you manage to find it? Are you working with the templars?"

"Templars? You mean the knights who fought during the crusades?"

"No, I mean the group that's trying to take over the world." I started laughing before I realised he wasn't joking.

"Oh. No. I was clearing out the weeds and dug it out from the ground. And then it started to glow and next thing I knew – you are under me and he is on top of me and then the...Piece of Eden? Yes, it vanished."

"I saw it, she's telling the truth", Altaïr added. "Or at least that part is true."

"So this Piece of Eden can do time traveling?" Ezio concluded. "I never would've guessed they held such powers too."

"It seems highly possible."

"Hey, hey! Are you saying that I actually went back in time and kidnapped you two to my time? So I'm not crazy? This is all real? You really ate my friends bunnies?" A frantic note appeared in my voice. Alright, let's remember what the therapist had said. Breathe in and out. Slowly. Don't panic. You are one with the world. Birds sing, sun shines, life is good and I just time travelled. Oh ffffuuuuu-.

"Free her, she's blue", Altaïr said and motioned Ezio to do the task.

"What do you mean I'm blue?" I asked while Ezio cut the ropes open. And where had they gotten them? Normal people don't walk around with ropes in their pocket, just in case they happen to wander to someone who needs tying. Altaïr pretended not to hear my question. I frowned again.

"Who actually are you guys?" They acted suspiciously. And what was that yell I had heard when I had met these two? Assassins? "What do you do for living?" Well assassins could have rope in their pockets right? And it would certainly explain the weapons too.

"Tailor."

"Scholar."

"And you expect me to believe that? You are assassins, right?" I received a cold glare from both of them. A shiver ran down my spine and that confirmed my answer. Definitely assassins. There was this deadly aura around them. I found that I didn't like it at all. "Okay", I tried to lighten up the mood. "So... what do you guys plan to do now?"

"Go home", they both answered simultaneously and glanced at each other. I noticed they both had even the same scar in their lip.

"Well, I doubt you'll need me for that", I laughed nervously. I didn't want to stay around them. Hell, no. Even though this was definitely interesting (for crying out loud, I just time travelled!), these two were both trained killers. I didn't want to find myself strangled in some gutter. Well, actually I wouldn't technically speaking find myself, since I'd be dead, but you get my point.

I was going to start to walk away, but Altaïr grabbed my shirt's collar and I froze.

"We do need you. We cannot leave without the Piece of Eden", he explained and didn't let me go. I tried to worm my way out of my shirt and received a weird look from both of them. Damn, my 'leave carefully, then run like hell' -plan had failed.

"I think she might be... You know... One of those..." Ezio tried to find the right word. I stopped my wiggling.

"I'm not retarted! You just creep the hell out of me! Let me go! I don't know where the orb went and I found it by an accident in the first place! You can perfectly fine search it by yourself! I don't want anything to do with your assassin-lifestyle!" I slammed my hands to my mouth. My mind was screaming that I indeed was a retard. You don't yell at assassins! You stay the hell away from them. And if you happen to cross paths with one – don't annoy them. I could feel my life expectancy getting shorter.

Instead of finding a blade in my heart, I was let go.

"Fine then", Altaïr said and sat next to the fire. I expected him to say more, but he stayed silent. Ezio stared at him. I think he was in shock.

"You mean, I can go?" I verified. "You are not going to stab me in the back or anything?"

"Leave", was the blunt answer. I started walking backwards towards the house. I kept my eyes on both of them. Ezio still didn't move and Altaïr just sat next to the fire. I was almost at the back door when Ezio broke off from his trance and started swearing very loudly. Or at least I think he was swearing. I didn't know Italian enough to be sure about it.

"You just let her go! Are you an _idiota?_" he yelled after the long list of curse words. "Answer me you-". I didn't hear what he called him but I perfectly well saw Altaïr punching Ezio in the face. And after that they both had engaged in a fist fight. I sighed, went in and locked the back door. Not my problem. I would keep my self out of their problems. I definitely would.

I peeked out from the living room window. They were still fighting and it seemed Altaïr was gaining the upper hand. I could hear Ezio insulting him in Italian. I guess losing wasn't his cup of tea. Thinking of tea made my stomach rumble again. I glanced at the fridge. There were frozen pizzas in there. I licked my lips and shot a final look to the fighting pair. I decided I didn't care and went to the kitchen.

I needed to repeat my 'I don't care' -part over and over again, since my curiosity tried to win my common sense. I had never quite understood what was best for me and again I had to admit to myself it was true. I don't know why I wanted to check on the assassins frequently and I had to stop myself for over and over again not to do so. They weren't my problem anymore. They were grown men, they could take care of themselves. Well, if they even lived anymore. I hadn't checked how the fight had ended.

But I have to admit I started to feel a bit sorry for them. It had started raining a while ago and now it seemed like there was a quite big storm coming. I would be fine – the house was sturdy and there were candles in case the electricity would go out. They had – I had to peek from the window – an extinct campfire. It seemed they both were still alive, since they were sitting on the ground and probably staring at each other.

I bit my lip. They probably were soaking wet by now. I hated to admit myself that it was my fault. I could've let them in. And what if they caught cold? They wouldn't have the immune system people in my time had. Would they die? It'd be my fault.

I twisted my hands and bit my lip. What should I do? I had snatched them from their own time and then left them by themselves. They didn't know how the world was. And what would the neighbours think if they decided to stay living in the backyard? I bit my nails. I needed to get them in. They looked like lost puppies. Cute, little, homeless puppies which I had carried home when I was a young girl.

And yes, I just compared to grown men – two assassins! - to puppies.

I took a deep breath and walked to the back door. I had made up my mind. I was going to invite them in. And then help them find a way home. Otherwise my complaining Jiminy Cricket would never leave me be.

"Come in you two!" I yelled from the door. "Otherwise you'll catch a pneumonia and die before you manage to find the Piece of Eden. Now hurry up, there's a big storm approaching!" I hoped I had made the right decision and wouldn't die in the near future.


End file.
